Kindness Challenge Reflection Post: Self-Love

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kindness, kindness challenge, loving kindness, meditation, reflection, self-love

 

When I saw that the first week of The Kindness Challenge was self-love, I smiled. Joke was on me. Aww man – here we go again! Can’t I, like, you know, skip a step?

There’s a wonderful meditation practice known as ‘metta’ or ‘loving kindness’ which I have practiced regularly for several years, with varying levels of commitment. When I first began exploring it more deeply, I found myself very resistant to starting with myself, as is traditional. I shared this with my teacher, who told me to try starting elsewhere in the process for a while, and see if that helped. It did. I needed permission to take the focus away from my greatest block for a while.

What I learned from that process, and what this week has again highlighted for me, is that loving kindness to ourselves and being kind and loving towards others are inextricably linked. One cannot exist without the other. When the sun shines, it doesn’t choose which fields to land on. It shines on all, unconditionally. Night works the same way. When I am unkind to myself, it doesn’t only affect me. If I want, as I wholeheartedly do, to be kind to others, it has to include self-love. These are fundamentals, basics, and as so often with fundamentals and basics, they sound simple, and are hard to get right in practice. I believe this is a direct result of their simplicity, which leaves no place to hide.

This week we were asked to come up with a mantra, an affirmation, something that could be repeated, lent into, called upon when we needed a kindness reminder. One of the things I’ve been noticing since starting this challenge, is how the root of my lack of kindness towards myself so often lay in comparison. I constantly compare myself to others, or to my own expectations or previous achievements, and find myself wanting. Ugly, judgmental thoughts arise with nonchalance, so accustomed am I to them. So, I chose an affirmation, a mantra, that struck at this root.

‘You are loving and loved,’ does NOT work for me in the moments when I most need it, because it’s in those moments that I am least able to believe it. That statement is not one I yet accept as a lasting, incontrovertible truth. So I chose something else.

“You are unique,

as is everyone you meet.”

That feels wholly and always true, and that means it’s a powerful thought tool, however much of a mess I’m in. It stops the judgement immediately, because it whips the carpet from under it by questioning the assumption that life is a pair of weighing scales; good/bad, right/wrong etc. It affirms that each unique individual, and each unique situation stands alone, and we are invited to get curious and appreciative, over and over again.

This week has also reminded me that kindness is the master unraveller. That means that, for me at least, there are times when self-love is a little scary. Why? Because I’m not sure what I’ll find in the middle when I unravel. I’m not sure I’ll be able to put myself together again if I fall apart. It’s like those moments when you’re on the verge of tears, and someone looks at you kindly, or says something really sweet and you’re like – ‘No! No! Don’t be nice, please! I’m just about holding it together!’

Self-love is a journey, an adventure. It’s not linear, and it’s never over; and sometimes it can be a little counter-intuitive. I remember, as I write this, another time when I was struggling. I’d behaved badly and said things I regretted. That, I decided, was not the moment to sit and tell myself how great I am. Rather, it was a time to pick myself up and act – give myself a reason to feel more self-love. That is not to deny the truth that, ultimately, we never need to earn or justify love; it was simply about using awareness to find what, in that moment, would best support me in returning to a place where that felt true. I found the person, apologised, and made an inner commitment to learn from that experience, and, as much as possible, avoid actions that would give me another stick with which to beat myself.

I’m very lucky. I am surrounded by some very kind people, courageous people, creative people. I have met several people whose kindness appears to be so natural, so effortless. I have also been lucky enough to discover that, like most things in life, kindness and self-love can be cultivated, grown, strengthened – and there are tools out there. The ones that have worked for me?

Loving kindness meditation 

Gratitude journaling

and…my new affirmation!

“You are unique,

as is everyone you meet.”

 

Blessings on your week friends, and may self-love grow and overflow, in and through you.

For more about The Kindness Challenge, and more reflection posts, go to:

https://therichnessofasimplelife.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/week-1-self-love/

For information on loving kindness meditation, check out:

https://jackkornfield.com/meditation-on-lovingkindness/

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GLADvent Day 2

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acrostic, advent, advent calendar, craft, creativity, gratitude, kindness, optimism, reflection, sharing, spirituality

Welcome, one and all, to GLADvent Day two! We began yesterday, with the quality of kindness, as played with in this acrostic poem:

And now, can you find the second stocking?

 

Great, let’s turn it over and see what we’ve got…

 

SHARING:  “Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.”

– Ruth Reichl

Now take a moment to pause and reflect upon how sharing has shown up in your life recently; what has been shared and why? How did that add to or change the situation?

Two stockings turned! Hope to see you tomorrow for number 3.

Do continue to share your thoughts and reflections in the comments section below as you wish…

GLADvent Day 1

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advent, advent calendar, christmas, crafts, creativity, gratitude, kindness, optimism, reflection, sharing, spirituality

Ladies and Gents it’s my great pleasure on this December 1st 2016 to welcome you, one and all, to GLADvent! Just the familiar recognition of the passing of the days leading up to Christmas, but with an extra twist of Joy and Gratitude thrown in.

To mark the passage of time, and offer daily invitations to reflect and give thanks, I’ve created a GLADvent calendar, which I’d love for you to ‘open’ with me each day, from now until December 24th.

This is not to deny that there are many and real problems we face right now, both individually and as a collective. It is to remind me, and anyone else who needs a nudge, that there is still much of beauty and blessing in this world. That remembering is a source of strength that can be used to face those challenges with courage and compassion.

The numbered stockings each have a specific word and related quote written on the back. The quote is a bonus, for it’s the word that is intended to be an invitation to give thanks for the presence of that thing or quality in our lives. Can you find number 1?

 

OK friends, let me turn it over for you and let’s see what we’ve got…

 

KINDNESS: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. – Plato

Now take a moment to pause and reflect upon how kindness has shown up in your life recently; kindness given, kindness received or both.

And we’re off! The GLADvent journey has begun. Hope to see you tomorrow for stocking number 2.

Feel free to share your thoughts and reflections in the comments section below,

and welcome to GLADvent!

A new diet…

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diet, food, fun, humour, joy, kindness, poem, poetry, smile

image credit: http://babybudgeting.co.uk/

I went to a brand new cafe

that didn’t serve food at all

but strangely enough

once they’d served me the stuff

I was totally, utterly full

***

The starter that day was a smile

that sparkled right into my eyes

for my main, some kind words

sweetly sung by a bird

and dessert was a warm hug goodbye

***

I think I might like this new diet

I’d probably lose some weight too (!)

and best thing you see

is that all of it’s free –

I think you should try it, don’t you? 🙂

 

 

I don’t usually post twice a day, but couldn’t resist turning a fun exchange in the comments on my earlier post into this poem 🙂 Thanks https://writingtofreedom.com/ You’re awesome!

 

 

Kindness comes first

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awareness, community, compassion, connection, humanity, kindness, life, priorities, spirituality

 

A reflection I wrote to help when I need to get perspective again, and reset my priorities – Enjoy:-)

What’s more important; being right or being real? What’s more important; getting what you want or getting what you need? What’s more important; your own comfort or the dignity of another? What’s more important?  What’s most important? If first thing’s first – what’s first? Kindness. Above all, kindness. Kindness to self, kindness to all, kindness to the whole. Kindness is unconditional, soothing and inspiring. Kindness begets kindness like a smile begets a smile and kindness to self is the beginning of genuine compassion for all beings. You cannot force yourself to be kind.  You cannot shame yourself into being kind. You cannot create kindness from its opposite – it is birthed of itself and endlessly reciprocating.  Kindness comes first.

Kindness

Tags

acrostic, community, fun, humanity, kindness, love, poem, poetry

Keep your heart and eyes open

Invite opportunities to share the best of you

Now, with a smile, an offering

Doesn’t need to be big, just real

Nothing fancy, just genuine warmth

Ensuring the other feels valued, recognised,

Seen as a fellow human being, a

Sister or brother to enjoy life alongside

‘EveryGrandpa’

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appeal, compassion, economic crisis, generosity, greece, kindness, migrants, poem, poetry

image credit: http://uk.businessinsider.com/afp-australian-heads-to-greece-to-help-crying-pensioner-in-photo-2015-7?r=US

I see a vast canyon

in the mere metres between

that queue and you

their eyes reveal hearts

teetering on the edge

of engagement

but fear burns all bridges

and they dare not fall

***

Who gave permission

to greed and scorn

to rob our elders of dignity

and our youth of purpose?

We drown our minds in numbers

until our hearts forget

people are downing too

***

I sit before a silent screen

aching to hug you through the pixels

to hold you, EveryGrandpa,

in my shamed arms and say

‘Please stand, I’ll hold you.

This stops with me’

You may know of, or find, your own way to stand by the people of Greece at this difficult time, either as a whole or more personally through individuals/families you know who are directly affected, but there are some links below to a few current stories and campaigns if you’d like some ideas. I’ve also included a link to the story of a man who is helping to rescue the migrants at risk of drowning in the mediterranean.  Let this stop with us. May we find a new way to take care of our whole human family with compassion, dignity and joy.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/greek-crowdfund#/story

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/small-greek-business-in-greece-of-crisis#/story

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/28/the-greeks-for-whom-all-the-talk-means-nothing-because-they-have-nothing

http://www.theguardian.com/news/2015/jul/08/millionaire-who-rescues-migrants-at-sea

For fun, and…

Tags

compassion, earth, humour, kindness, nature, poem, poetry, sharing, words, writing

There’s only an ‘e’
between feast and fast
so perhaps
with a little empathy
we could all eat
never doubting there’s enough
eradicating world hunger forever
but even I know
it won’t be as easy as that

famine’s just two letters away from family
so perhaps it’s not what we do
but how
growing food sustainably
to share our harvest generously
we’d nourish the world abundantly
dream I a little wistfully
we’re not there yet regretfully

if you swap earth’s ‘h’
from the end to the start
you get heart
for happiness leads to
harmony leads to
healing leads to
humanity re-seeing
that our mother earth’s well-being
is a must for our joy too
simple, yes, but true

First class

Tags

kindness, letters, life, love, poem, poetry, simplicity, writing

She heard it fall
on the mat
and followed its call
to the unlit corridor
where the familiar handwriting
shone through the bleakness
like a lighthouse

She left it there
to put on the kettle
for a cup of tea,
taking the sugar from the shelf
to sweeten
the anticipation
of love delivered first class

She poured the boiling water
into the mug
and left it to brew
before returning to the envelope,
lifting it to her cheek as closed eyes
spilled to smudge the ink of her address

Just a Good Deeds Post:-)

Tags

good deeds, gratitude, kindness, life, love, writing

A busy week so no themed intro I’m afraid. Sorry this is late – enjoy:-)

Good Deeds Received

My niece sent me a very beautiful and touching text message, thanking me for the letter I wrote her recently, saying she was going to frame it and that it had really cheered her up just when she needed it…her words really touched me.

My friend called me back to check that I understood the bus she’d just given me the time for was taking a different route, to make sure I wasn’t left waiting in the wrong place. And this was after I’d called her much too early on a Saturday morning for bus times I should have had – bless you!

My mother held me the other morning when I got overwhelmed with nerves about teaching on this one month English course that’s just started. I don’t get nervous very often, and I’ve taught it about 14 times before, so I’m not sure what was going on. I was a mess and very jumpy, but being held helped…and it all turned out well, so there was no reason to be worried.

A friend noticed I was nervous when I missed the joke in our usual banter, and made a point of checking in with me later in the day to see if everything was going ok.

Mr colleague gave me half the afternoon off today, which gave me time to walk in the sun and spontaneously bump into and chat to a couple of dear friends, so thank you!

Someone I don’t think I’ve ever met, but who’d read about my fundraising plan for Beatha in Rwanda, called to offer support.

A generous friend saw me as I walked past the cafe she was sitting in and stopped me so that she could give me some money for Beatha.

Good Deeds Done

Overcame my nerves and helped hold a successful welcome session for our new English students.

I later managed to get hold of a couple of electrical adapters for two participants who hadn’t brought one with them, and whose phones were running out of battery. They only said thank you about, what, 20 times!!!

Showed a woman who was looking for a lift a good place to hitch hike from.

Sent more money to Beatha earlier on this week.

Called the airport to chase some luggage which one of my students was missing, as it had been mislaid or delayed by the airline. She was so relieved when I told her it had been found and would be delivered tomorrow. I think she hugged me four times, shrieking with delight and thanking me over and over. All I did was make a phone call:-)

A good deed to myself ended up as a good deed for Mum too. I realised on Tuesday that I needed what I call ‘an away day’ when I go to Inverness (the nearest city, about an hour by bus) alone with my phone off and my computer at home and just walk and wander around and drink coffee and write poems if they come. It’s the nearest place that sells my Mum’s favourite moisturiser, so I bought her some, as well as some travel info on the Orkney islands because she mentioned she’d love to go there.

When I found, when I was cleaning it the night before, that the fridge in the building we are using for the course was badly (like four inches or rock hard ice!) in need of defrosting, I could’ve spent a lot of time and energy tracking down who should be responsible and asked them to do it, and, without saying it expressly, made it clear that I was disappointed. I didn’t. Instead I just gathered some old towels and newspapers and switched it off, coming in early the next day to clean it up.