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wind

Life was chaos, and I had a headful. Default response? Take myself for a walk. The wind was wild and howling, and the roads, fields and pathways I passed were strewn with leaves, twigs and other less natural litter. On finally meeting the river I found her high and roaring. Still, I persevered and arrived at the little riverside beach that has become my ‘go to’.

There was very little left of it. The newly grown and hungry river had consumed most of it, including my ‘just sit and be’ rock. Gutted. I found another rock and sat. I watched the river race past and cried with anger and frustration.

‘You’re not helping!’ I shouted. ‘You’re just reflecting the chaos inside me and making it double. I wanted, I needed, something else from you!’ I had come here for peace and clarity. I was getting neither. But still I sat, until the wind whipped up some sand, and slapped my face with it.

‘Fine! I’m going!’

I stomped off into the trees to retrace my steps and go home. I slowed down. Truth was, I didn’t want to stomp. I didn’t want chaos. All I wanted was clarity and answers.

‘Go home. Make a cup of tea. Clean your room. Write your gratitude journal. In that order.’

It wasn’t a voice, more a gentle inner knowing. I felt myself calming down. It was exactly what I needed. Simple, doable instructions I could follow, and tick off when done.

So I went home. I made a cup of tea. I cleaned my room, which looked worse than the back field so I must’ve been wilder than the wind. I wrote my gratitude journal. Tick. Tick. Tick. Sigh.

The rest of the day passed in a graceful, productive blur until I went to bed. Just before surrendering to sleep five questions interrupted my peace:

Are you happy?

Are you healthy?

Do those you love know you love them?

Are you doing what you came into this life to do?

Could you die content right now?

These big questions surprised me by coming up with no big answers. It seemed my life was…well, fine, in spite of the drama of earlier in the day. I was grateful and pleased…until the last question:

Could you die content right now?

The answer was no. My life was not yet complete. There was no drama, no relationship pain/dynamics/history that needed solving. Just…unfinished business. I still have a job to do.

Want to know what? Ask in the comments and I just might tell you…:-)

And if you play with these questions yourself, I’d love to know how you get on.

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