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We sat on the grass

back to back

as we ate lunch in the sun.

Your every swallow

sent a ripple down my spine

and the warmth of your being

comforted me

as I leant into you.


We sat in silence,

closed eyes in a sacred space

to honour our friendship,

and delighted in the synchronicity

of fresh flowers

and a man in a suit.

Giggling we discussed

what it might mean,

your arm strong around my shoulder,

my arm hugging your waist.


We stood in the dining room.

Surrounded by others,

not wanting to be alone in this,

I said goodbye.

I sobbed deep ancient sounds,

loudly and messily,

while you held me close with tender kindness

and my breathing settled

until my head lay still

upon your chest.


I walked away

without looking back

to hide in my bedroom

and cry some more,

until I left the house

in search of a cigarette.


I don’t smoke,

but I did that night

for I could no longer,

share air with you.