‘Work’…a Good Deeds post


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what do you doimage credit :


What is work for? Is it just, or primarily, to earn a living? How much worth does a living earned have when it’s taken up so much time and energy there’s little life left to be lived? Is work the measure of a worthy person? Or is the worth of any human being, and any being come to that, something far beyond it’s measurable ‘productivity’.

(This isn’t a new topic for me, check out this post from earlier this year if you want more background…http://wordsthatserve.wordpress.com/2014/08/03/beauty-a-good-deeds-post-2/

For that matter, how much is Nature ‘worth’? Apparently they tried to put an economic value on nature, back in 1997, and came up with $33 trillion. These were serious scientists, respected economists…



…and I believe they so fundamentally missed the point by even trying to answer that question that I’m shocked into gormless jaw dropped silence. You can’t put an economic value on something as complex, magnificent and profoundly interdependent as the ecosystem of our planet, anymore than somebody working for £6.60 an hour gives you any indication of just how valuable that human being is to their loved ones, their community, humanity as a whole.

I had a job interview on Wednesday, and on Saturday I received a form letter regretfully informing me that I had been unsuccessful on this occasion. At first I was gutted, and wanted to turn the letter into a thousand (recyclable!) tiny pieces in passionate fury. Then I closed my eyes for a moment to get curious about this powerful response that was happening. In that brief space of presence I heard, ‘you should thank them’. I found myself laughing out loud, for there was an ironical truth in this. Even if they hadn’t helped me find the work that’s right for me, at least they had helped me tick off another job that wasn’t, and for this I could be grateful.

I still have the letter. In fact I’m getting quiite attached to it. It makes me smile each time I look at it as I continue to think of other ways to view it:

- Thanks for giving me one side of blank paper I can now use to write my shopping list on. (Actually, I used the envelope instead…)

- Thanks for giving me something to frame as a reminder of the moment when I started to understand more deeply my relationship with work and with money.

- Thank you for being more honest with me than I was able to be with myself. You knew, from less than 15 minutes in the same room as me, that ‘caring’ for people as if they were merchandise on a production line that just needed to be fed, washed and dressed, wasn’t something I could do well or willingly. That I take as a compliment and I thank you.

So as my bank balance goes down and my blood pressure goes up, I find myself at a familiar crossroads. Do I choose to shrink or do I choose to grow. Do I drink from Alice’s bottle or do I eat from Alice’s cake? I did shrink a little initially…

drink me…but I can feel myself expanding into creativity again.

eat meSo I intend to eat and drink magic in moderation that I may find the perfect size for me, and a purpose that truly fits.

Good Deeds Received

Dad treated us (Mum, my brother and I) to a wonderful dinner, and in so doing taught us the wisdom and the joys of http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ – as we ate in a restaurant I’d known about but never visited…in 9 years of living here!

My brother made me laugh sooooo much when I spoke to him on the evening of the day he’d returned to England and asked if I wanted to hear his Scottish accent. I laughed so hard when I heard it that when I asked him to say it again he went all shy and refused!

Received a very warm hug and hello from a friend I haven’t seen for ages, but saw through a cafe window and went in to greet. We’ll meet up soon.

A dear friend and all round wise and kind woman brushed aside my response to her question of have I started the work yet, when I said I hadn’t got the job. ‘Not that work’, she said. ‘the real work!’ (by which she means the poetry collection I’m wanting to put together for publication).

A treasured friend sent me  beautiful text message to thank me for the postcard I’d sent her and to share a sweet synchronicity that made me smile.

Was wonderfully entertained by a very talented guitarist and his band at a concert we went to to celebrate my brother’s birthday.

The trees all around me are painting their teaching of impermanence more beautifully every day.

Good Deeds Done

Rushed to the shop to buy tomato ketchup just before Mum served up dinner on my brother’s birthday as there was none in the house and I knew he would ask for it. He did:-)

Took myself off to read a book in the park when I found myself in a bad mood and wasn’t good company. A little over an hour later I was human again – I love books! (and parks!)

Made time to write an email to a friend to whom I owed a catch up.

I made a delicious apple and banana crumble (trust me, it works) to welcome my father and brother on the evening of their arrival for a five day visit last Sunday.

I helped Mum in her cafe when the woman who was supposed to be working with her called in sick.

Sent back my brother’s wallet when I found he’d left it behind.

Had a chat with an elderly lady at the cash machine who apologised for keeping me waiting as she was struggling to remember her pin number. ‘I’m allowed these moments’, she said, ‘I’m seventy seven!’ I agreed with her:-)

Eat, drink and be fulfilled – have a great week dear friends:-)












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If to be civilised

means to work more

and play less

cannibalising life

on greed’s altar

that severs the sacred threads

woven by the ancients

to bind us to life with love


If civilisation

would revere soulless acquisition

whilst burying alive

generous hearts

still sounding unity’s beat

beneath stifling mountains of bling


Then you must help me

find my digging stick

for I would forage

in tribal soul

for life’s true nourishment

and together

we can feed a new weaving

I wrote this poem as one response to having read this book. I hope the poem speaks for itself, and it can’t give you what the book can. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

The art of ritual and reverance…a Good Deeds post


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I spent a couple of days in Edinburgh last week, immersing myself in the galleries, libraries and cafes to refill inner creativity fuel tanks that had run painfully low. It was both wildly inspiring, and richly nourishing to give myself this gift of paying my soul respects to the power of art.

After less than two hours in the National Gallery I simply couldn’t take in any more, and began to digest this feast by by expressing some of what I was feeling though the writing of postcards of some of the images to treasured friends. I acknowledged as I wrote how very directly and spontaneously art reignites a flame of hope inside me. Any ‘being’ who has the capacity to allow ‘that’ to come through is unmistakeably a direct channel to some sacred source, one that carries the very breath of life and the transcendence of a surrender to interconnectedness within it.

degasDegas – Before the performance

van goghVan Gogh – Orchard in Blossom (plum trees)

skyeWaller Hugh Paton – Entrance to the Cuiraing, Skye

Spending time in the Scottish Poetry library was a mini pilgrimage. I felt a sanctity in that space I sometimes feel in churches and temples, and glancing along the shelves to pull out volumes and volumes of words written at the very edges of human emotional experience served me a sense of beauty so concentrated as to be almost unswallowable.

‘Air, soil, water, fire – those are words,

I myself am a word with them – my qualities interpenetrate

with theirs – my name is nothing to them,

though it were told in the three thousand languages, what

would air, soil, water, fire know of my name?’

Walt Whitman, from A Song Of The Rolling Earth


‘Give me your lies.

I will wash them

tuck them in

the innocence of my heart

to make them facts.’

Maram Al-Massri, A Red Cherry On A White Tiled Floor


‘I am so distant from the hope of myself

in which I have goodness, and discernment

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.’

Mary Oliver, When I Am Among The Trees

I am left with a newly empowered conviction – I want to do that. As I read and felt the words reach their powerful resonance free and unchecked deep into my being, making it sing and expand with uncontainable gratitude, I felt no jealousy or urgency, only humble respect and playful passion. I saw the gap between where I am now and where I would like to be in my journey as an artist, and I was not overawed. It felt ultimately bridgeable, though no doubt a journey worthy only of a determined and courageous explorer.

I was also reminded of the importance of ritual, and was saddened to recognise how easily I’d allowed those activities that rose and set my days for years, to be lazily discarded. In acknowledging their loss I recognized the value they’d had, and have now reestablished them. I open my day with meditation and close it with a page written in my gratitude journal. I now know the thoughts that stole these practices from me, most of which involve blaming others/circumstance or the procrastination of ‘I’ll do it later/tomorrow etc’. I can recognise their voice and choose not to give it my attention or power. The rhythm of ritual has already brought me a renewed sense of strength, and it took only two days to rediscover that. That was two days well spent I’d say:-)

Good Deeds Received

I didn’t have change for the bus ticket, but one of the passengers happily swapped my five pound note for coins.

I was kindly directed on several occasions by various people I accosted on the street, or whom I sought out in shops. Thank you all!

I was gifted great wisdom and spiritual sustenance from reading a book recommended by a dear friend, a book I will tell you about more another time.


Thank you to the care home that has invited me to interview for a job their on Wednesday this week:-)

Thank you to the wonderful man at the take away baked potato place who called me darling so many times over, and mixed Scottish words like ‘wee’ and ‘tattie’ into a delicious and expressive language and accent all his own.

Thanks Mum for texting me to let me know about the job interview, as I wasn’t at home to receive the invitation.

A dear friend put the date and time of my interview into her diary so she can send me positive vibes on the day:-)

Good Deeds Done

I saw someone unsuccessfully asking for change for a ten pound note and happily off loaded all my coins:-)

I offered a chip from my take out to someone who cheekily and unexpectantly asked for one. ‘No way!’ he said when he saw me turn back and open the container. ‘I hope you like ketchup,’ I said.

I chatted to a few people at the hostel I was staying at about looking for jobs here, and gave a couple of informal impromptu English lessons:-)

Wrote postcards to two special friends.

Bought birthday cards for my father and brother.

Helped my Mum sort out her car tax.

Spent a long afternoon walking and talking with a friend who had much to get off her chest, and shared much wisdom with me in the process.

Have a great week my friends! May you uplift and be uplifted in perfect graceful rhythm:-)










Well done


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you were buzzing

near my window

confused by the glass


he tried to swat you


with his wife’s magazine


‘it’s ok’

I tried feebly

‘it’ll find the open door’


(it’s no threat

I inwardly affirmed

and you’re a bully)


ignoring me

he squashed you dead

with a satisfying smear


‘well done you!’

cooed a woman

sat close to the open door


where he stood

and shrugged

your corpse onto the pavement


my mind wanted numbers -

how much bigger was he

than you had been?


(I’ll google it later

- wasp vs man -

but 1000x and more for sure)


turning to stare

through unnatural glass

with hot eyes


I saw life

too wild for him alone to swat aside

too wide for me alone to protect


Zoom…a Good Deeds post


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Expand and contract

zoom in, zoom out

spring shoots into summer

autumn wraps into winter

as I too grow

and am harvested

while I trust

the artist who guides my lens

to zoom in again

and take a good look

at myself in close up

until I relax back

into my spot

in life’s bigger picture

I almost got swallowed by my inner cave last week. A month of heady expansion into and beyond the limitless possibilities of love, openness and connection left me a bit dazzled and perhaps slightly internally sunburned. I withdrew and zoomed in , waiting for the wheel to turn and rise me up to the light again in its own good time.

I know the wisdom and equanimity of ‘little and often’ but that doesn’t seem to by my natural rhythm, and so I continue to rough ride my way though seasons of feast and famine on all levels; work, relationship, creativity, silence…which is tiring at times, but certainly never boring!

Good Deeds received

A friend from my time in Rwanda, who is now back home in Canada, sent me a lovely catch up email along with an offer to contribute to my fundraising efforts for Beatha.

My Mum warmly and directly appreciated me for the help I’d given her, both in the cafe and for a party she’d offered to cater for.  It was amazing how much feeling appreciated eased my tiredness, almost immediately.

A friend texted to check in, and invited me to dinner – tonight:-)

I went to the beach for some chill out time but forgot to bring the book I wanted to read by the shore. Luckily the seals were playing and diving not far out to sea and I passed a peaceful time watching them instead – thank you seals!

My ever thoughtful father texted me to tell me about a program he was watching on Rwanda, so that I too could watch it.

A friend offered me her gorgeous little barrel house to live in and enjoy while she’s away for a couple of weeks at the end of this month, in return for some company for her cat. I can’t wait!

A friend picked up on my sense of ‘blah’ and gave me a warm hug. When I saw her the next day she said she’d been thinking of me and sending me love. I was in fact feeling better so I told her her loving thoughts must’ve worked their magic:-)

Good Deeds Done

I delightedly appreciated an abundance of beautiful conkers that had been sadly overlooked as perfect seasonal toys, and left to sink into the round again in the hope of becoming trees…

I offered to help look after a friends little flock of young guinea fowl again while she’s away for a long weekend.

I agreed to clean for a friend at short notice, and let him know later where I’d unintentionally hidden something I’d intended to clean and put back in place!

I gave an English lesson to the husband of a friend, and remained patient and flexible when it was delayed by a couple of hours because he had more work than expected and was therefore  late getting home.

I helped my Mum cook for a 50th birthday party she was catering for. After 9 hours (it was much more work than we thought!) I drove her home so she could sleep, and then went back to finish cleaning and packing the car with left overs and equipment.

Bought a few bits and pieces to make the house more comfortable and welcoming for when my Dad and brother visit next week!

Gave a friend a box of biscuits I’d been gifted when he told me he had a week full of meetings ahead. Here’s hoping the biscuits will sweeten the dialogue:-)

Have a great week my friends, and play with that zoom lens:-)










Gifts…a Good Deeds post


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geese flyingA gift given becomes doubly empowered when it is received in such a way that its resonance is amplified. I have had several experiences of this recently, and last week was so full and rich I’m still digesting. I also noticed, more clearly than ever before, that I don’t need to do things alone, and even dared to allow my mind to play with the idea that there are some things I really can’t do without the help of others. That might sound pretty obvious, but being the uber independent and often impatient person that I am, I tend not to listen to this truth with much attention, though I may pay occasional lip service to understanding it conceptually.

The other night we were holding a completion circle with the group I’ve been teaching English to for the last month, and who have become deeply integrated into our community and into my own heart, as well as each others’, during that time. I wanted to be able to offer a great ‘send off’ – but I was feeling incredibly flat. As I shared with my colleague, I was a bit empty and I just couldn’t find my fuel. He was determined to let me be exactly where I was and I was doing my best to force myself out of this uncomfortable sense of ‘lack’. I handed over much of the holding of the evening to him, and I also began to inwardly let go of the responsibility for making it a great send off. It was a beautiful evening and my colleague brought to it exactly what, in that moment, I could not and as a result lifted me into a space of great gratitude and peace.

We will be welcoming the geese to our shores soon, and this being lifted reminded me of the lessons these remarkable community minded creatures teach us, as they fly in their impressive V formations and allow the tired to cruise on the power of the uplift generated by all those wings, all focused on one clear shared destination. Check out this beautiful summary of their wisdom if you have a moment:


Good Deeds Received

One of the students led a beautiful appreciation ritual on our final morning together. We were lined up in two rows of equal number, facing each other, and one person at a time was blindfolded and had to walk down the aisle. As they passed us we would lean in and whisper appreciations into their ears. It was incredibly beautiful.

Received a lovely hug from a dear friend who could see I was a bit over wrought, and it brought me back to earth beautifully.

Received a stunning necklace from the group, with a beautiful turquoise stone as the centerpiece which they said brought out the blue in my eyes.

Was gifted a very profound conversation that made me feel very seen. The theme was love and the many and unique ways it is expressed by different people, and then how this person experienced my own particular expression of this quality. Really interesting.

Received a lovely text message from a friend who hadn’t seen me for a while and wanted to know how I was doing.

Received super prompt support and action when I asked for some admin/paperwork stuff around the completion of the program.

A friend who’d borrowed our printer brought it back the moment I asked for it, despite being very busy.

Good Deeds Done

I bought a couple of packs of love hearts, little sweets with messages on, to share with the group as we said goodbye.

Bull Terrier Carpet

I sent some of the money raised form last week’s auction to my friend Beatha in Rwanda. It took me three days to get hold of her, and I was beginning to get worried. It turned out her phone had been stolen. She’d had to put off medical treatment while waiting for me to send the money, which she couldn’t pick up without speaking to me to get the details.

I spent some time chatting with some new arrivals and helping them to settle in for their week here in the community.

I shared a simple exercise with the group which ended up being quite profound. The basic idea was we all had a sheet of paper and wrote at the top one thing we couldn’t live without. We then passed it round and each person added to the list until we all got out own paper back and read out what was written. What was interesting was what was not written; money, oil/petrol, electricity, a fancy house, a well paid job…none of these things appeared on any of the lists! We spent some time discussing the implications of that and what we could do to remind ourselves in our daily lives of what we really needed to live a happy, fulfilling life (things like friendship, love, intimacy, creative expression, music, dancing, time in nature…) and to resist the insistence of the media that it’s all the other things we should be striving for.

Made sure I was on time to wave off and hug those who were leaving on Saturday.

Did some shopping for my Mum’s cafe and worked there for an hour or so while she had a break as it had been extremely busy.

Brought in come chocolate I’d been given to share with the group during a tea break.

Have a great week my friends! May you uplift and be uplifted in perfect graceful rhythm:-)










Peace-full-sychronicity…a Good Deeds post


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rwandan flagI’m glad I’ve ended up writing this at the end of today because I feel so much more ‘full’ than I did this morning. And here I mean ‘full’ in a good way. Full to bursting with the honor and joy and beauty and ‘aawww shucks’ -ness of friendship.

Friends who pull out all the stops to get to you on time for an auction they were helping you with, when their expected ride doesn’t turn up, and then still apologise for being five minutes late.

Friends who really wanted you to sit with them and have a chat, but didn’t want to ask as they could see you might’ve preferred to be alone, but when you decide to join them are so happy to have your company and speak with you in silly accents and make you laugh and hug you in a way that lets you know you’re back is well watched, they’ve well and truly got it.

Friends whose generosity was fully a quarter of my fundraising, which included a ludicrously exaggerated bid for a bespoke poem written by me which was enough to make me blush enough for people to warm their chilled hands on my cheeks as they came in from the autumn outside.

Full of the wonder and the beauty of the tenderness of what it means to be a human being on the planet at this time.

What it means to listen to the names of all the countries of the United Nations on this world day of peace and to feel the waves in my own soul system as it registers the names of those places where I know there is current suffering and I consciously offer a prayer for peace.

What it means to be handed a pile of 8 cards with some of the flags from the 54 African countries recognised by the UN, in order to call out the names of those countries, only to find that, ‘by chance’, Rwanda is on the top of my pile and the feeling that gives me of being watched over, held, affirmed by something I can’t see or touch but that I know with every hair that’s now standing on end is real.


What it means to feel yuckily under the weather, tired and blah only to look up from a bag of dirty clothes on the way to the laundry and see the early evening sun catch on the yellowing leaves of a beautiful tree, making smile with genuine abandon because it’s magical and mesmerising and that’s all that matters in that moment.

What it means to know there’s a woman about my age, on another continent, living a life so different from mine, yet we both acknowledge that we are sisters in everything but blood, and that’s why today I did what I had to do for her, and for her sons, and was gifted a total of about 400 pounds to send to her in Rwanda.


So I believe that intro goes some way to acknowledging the Good I’ve received (and that was just today!) but what Good have I done this week?

Good Deeds Done

Rushed back to the bungalow I’m currently staying in when I heard, unexpectedly, that I was to welcome a new housemate for the week. In 15 minutes I hoovered, put away all the washing up I’d left to dry on the counter, took my toothbrush and shampoo etc out of the bathroom, and transferred my mountain of papers, books etc from the living room table into my own room.

Spent another free afternoon offering one on one sessions to my students, several of which turned out to have little to do with language actually, and more to do with just wanting to talk about life in general and the issues the world is currently facing.

Bought a train ticket for a student who couldn’t get her card to work on the necessary website, which she then paid me for in cash and I drove to collect from the machine at the station in town.

Hung up some wash I found in the machine when I went to my Mum’s place to pick up a few things.

Prepared a completely new lesson for the next day following one student’s confession that she was struggling to follow and that she was a kinaesthetic learner, rather than visual or auditory. I enjoyed teaching this more movementy, interactive, drama type lesson, and could see she got a lot more from it.

Washed up a whole tray of mugs when I saw we’d run out in the community centre, instead of just rinsing one out for myself.

Stepped in to make a couple of crepes and do some washing up when I saw that my Mum and her new colleague were busy.

OK folks, my you have a ‘full in a good way’ week:-)

May you sing and dance as you march…


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image credit: www.a-magazine.co.uk

This poem if for all those who will march for love of the earth tomorrow, in the Biggest Climate March in History…


You are my drum

the one for whom I dance

whose beat restores me

until a smile warms my blood

and a dance tickles my feet

which begin to match your rhythm

with every




a calling in you

and through you dear mother

asking that you make me

a vessel of your own

wild creativity and compassion

and so I stretch

to the very edge of the old

and push beyond

the pain and fear

to birth something new





Between darkness and light…a Good Deeds post


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darkness_to_light_image credit:


“Between darkness and light

I will always walk

and every place that I go

I will open a window

a window of light

and plant a seed of love”

These are the words to a song I learned several years ago which I understand was created by a women’s group made up of both Israelis and Palestinians. I wish my computer camera was working as I’d sing it into a video for you so you could hear the melody too, as I can’t find a version online. It touched me so deeply the first time I heard it that I retreated to a corner in tears for several minutes before I could continue singing. For me it speaks of the naturalness of the changing currents of life from expansiveness, openness and light to contraction, fear and darkness. Planting the seed of love can happen regardless of which of these states we feel closest too, or where on the scale between joy and despair we find ourselves, and I believe love’s very value is it’s very ability to transcend polarities.

As nature begins to lay her rainbow coloured bedspread in early preparation for a long and well deserved winter sleep, I marvel at the variety of mushrooms popping up like spontaneous fairy settlements in clusters that make me giggle like a child in wonder at their otherworldliness. Everything has its season…

Good Deeds Received

Mum let me borrow the car which allowed me to take myself on a new, longer walk to instill the muscles in my legs with the same passionate yearning for walking as my heart and soul, in preparation for something longer some time soon. She also spontaneously provided me with a delicious picnic lunch from her cafe, which I ate as I strolled alone and free along the beach.

One of the participants on the English language course I’m currently teaching cooked a delicious Indian style meal for all of us last night, including a fabulous dessert of mangoes, cinnamon, yoghurt, honey and a few other magic ingredients.

A dear friend, with whom I love to sing and share all that is creative, beautiful and uplifting (as well as the challenges we lean on each other through…) introduced me to a beautiful song which I listened to about five times in a row immediately because -well, you’ll see. If you can avoid smiling, swaying and humming along then you must be one of those impressively self disciplined individuals who can eat a sugary doughnut without licking your lips…but I say it’s a shame to resist such sweetness:-)

People have continued to approach me to offer both promises and items for a fundraising auction I’ll be holding next Sunday for my Rwandan friend Beatha. A tarot reading, a massage and a knitting lesson have been added to the list not to mention a pair of stunning hand crafted ceramic mugs from our local pottery.


I was given directions by a kind couple who saw me looking a bit lost and unsuccessfully reading and re-reading my guidebook which didn’t tell me what to do if the tide was too high for me to follow the normal route on the walk I’d set out on…thank you!

A dear friend made time for a wonderful Skype chat and re-inspired me to take steps towards a dream, expressing such belief and enthusiasm that she helped me rekindle my own.

A friend I haven’t caught up with in a while invited me to spend some time with her and her gorgeous toddler son.

Good Deeds Done

I sent some more money to Beatha, in perfect timing because she’d literally just run out when I spoke to her to give her the collection details – may next week’s auction be as abundant and nourishing as the heavily laden apple trees I’m currently admiring.

I bought a copy of the Big Issue from a man I’ve seen several times locally, and occasionally chat too. I made time to listen to him sharing about his wife recently leaving him, and the challenges he faces providing for his 10 month old baby girl who is being looked after by his sister while he sells the magazine, as his wife left her behind. It was a moving and humbling conversation.

I spent my free afternoon offering twenty minute one on one sessions to my students, so they could ask about any grammar points and other learning issues they’ve had so far as we reach the half way mark in this four week course.

I bought some after dinner chocolates and some drinks to share during our group meal together.

I called my brother back early in the morning, when I saw I’d missed a couple of calls from him, and made time for a chat and catch up before going to class.

Took out the hoover to clean up the mess I’d made in our community centre when I dropped a box of biscuits – luckily the hoover liked double chocolate cookies.

I volunteered to help wash dishes when the brunch time clean up crew asked for help, as they were a very small team to clean up after more than a hundred diners!

OK folks, have a great week:-)

To be continued – part 2


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I started this a while back, and just felt to continue it tonight. There may be more to come I’m not sure, but this is where I got to for now – enjoy:-)


I packed a bag

and looked for a map

with a road marked to peace

for I wanted to go

where my pain could not find me


But my walking was slow

for my bag weighed me down

till I took out my tent

which I left by the road with a note

that read, ‘Friend, help yourself’


When weariness came

the earth made my bed

beneath trees

and the stars sang my sleep



Too soon I awoke

to a touch on my hand

and my sleep tender eyes

met the face of my pain

smiling back in relief

‘Now I’ve found you’


So I left the soft space

of the light hidden stars

and bristled with anger

that roared at my pain

‘Leave me be!’


I snatched up my bag

set my feet on the road

and walked on

though my pain’s saddened eyes

bore into my back with their loss


I traveled for days

with my pain playing shadow

and walking behind me

though well at a distance

for fear of my fury


In silence we walked

‘my anger now softer

for alone on the path

I began to see value

in some company. even of pain


But the miles took their toll

on my legs, growing weary

our pace had now slowed

to a shuffle and stop,

so I turned


‘Will I never be free?’

my pain looked at me

offering his hand

as my shy eyes fell earthwards

my palm joined with his


and where our palms met

I heard my hand howl

a noise filled with triumph

as much as with grief

as it raced up my arm to my lips


and I began to shake wildly

in every cell

with no will to resist

pain’s arms

as he wrapped tight around me


but I was not scared

for the arms held a hug

that spoke of knowing me intimately

so I breathed pain in

until I was all that remained









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